YAY for me

Yesterday was a momentous day - I turned in my BIG presentation. I was so nervous sending it off and I was so scared that I needed to review just ONE last time to ensure I caught all spelling or grammar errors and formatting was consistent and blah blah. Such a freaking sense of relief. This has been a 4 month struggle and I am finally free!!! well, pretty much. One more thing to turn in today but this is much easier.

I had a fabulous weekend - knowing that I was just steps away from being done. I was able to see so many friends and get out and truly enjoy myself. It was such a nice treat. I was telling my sis about how excited I was for this day and I totally started crying. This has been so utterly difficult and such a stretch for me and here I am all done. I was telling her how I have worked so damn hard and I felt no one on my team (management) even commented on the quality of the work etc. Yesterday, my project manager said "I hit it out of the ballpark" and he didn;t think I would be as far as I was. I'm like - oh ok, thanks. The partner also said that I did great and he had no idea I was so challenged by this project since it appeared I was doing just fine. Yeah, I can maintain a calm compusure in public but good lord MAC has seen me cry so many nights due to my frustration. So I got the praise I wanted, and yet it still wasn;t enough. I wanted some, WOW chica, we can tell how much work went into this presentation and the detail is great and you must have done so much research and all that. But my sis makes a great point - it is not their job to make me feel proud of my work. I think I am proud, but this might change once I get feedback from the client.

insecurity

I am having such a hard time feeling adequate at my job right now. I am in training right now for the next phase of my project and there are a handful of coworkers attending as well from all over the states. they all happen to be new hires, except for me of course. they all stare in amazement when I tell them how long I have been with the firm. and then it's like yeah, I have been here for 5 years and what do I have to show for it? I have always felt lost, starting from scratch from project to project. I might learn something in good detail and then it will never be needed again. so I have no "skill set" if you will...other than I am flexible. what good does that do me? I will forever be stressed and feel so much pressure to "perform" and end of the day no one really cares about my growth or career. they just want to make sure I am making them money.

I know I have complained about this before but how can I ever stop feeling this way unless I get another job? I don't think I can do this long term...but STILL have no clue what would be next!

will this quarter life + some crisis ever end?!

you will not believe this

Umm ok you all will not believe this. MAC has the BEST story ever!~ He is down in LA for work for 2 night. He and his coworker go to some fancy hotel (next to kodak theatre) for dinner cuz his coworker used to always stay there and liked the place. So they walk up and notice the entrance is all blocked off and it looked like construction work. They walk closer, notice a red carpet and are like WTF? they disregard it, go to the restaurant and of course the place was booked but they were able to get a seat outside. While eating some security guard came around and was like you guys have to leave at 9. Why you ask? because there was some ESPN after party going on outside where they were sitting!!!! so MAC and friend take their time and the bodyguard keeps coming back saying they HAVE to leave. They pay the bill and then try to hide pretty much in a corner, get caught and the guy follows them to leave. SOOOOOO the boys keep drinking, the friend gets ballsy and he manages to sneak in! Calls MAC and tells him where to go. MAC is like crap, he has no choice and he goes to the security guard, walks right past him and enters the party! the boys are IN!!!! Now the fun part - all the celebs they saw!!!! Nikki h, nick lachey!!!, mathew mc (however you spell his name), that USC quarterback that was dating Lohan, lots of other NFL athletes, he thinks he saw stupid Kristin Cavallari, matt perry, and there were some others. He was totally got to experience the LA scene and I was not there!!!!! Me jealous.

umm and check this out ...yup - these are peeps that were at the party. It was the ESPY event - Pink has it on his blog!

I can cook

ok maybe not me, but MAC can! he is making pot roast today - how cute is that?! it smells damn good too. His dad got him a cookbook so I am sure it is going to rock.

ok so aging is really starting to have an impact on me. I am seriously going blind. Staring a computer all day does not help but seriosuly, I am losing my 20/40 status. I am tooscared to go get them checked cuz I know it is going to freak me out. My sis is like 20/400 or something! I exaggerate but really, she is pretty bad and my dad is way worse. I am doomed. Laser surgery mught need to happen at some point. How fun is that to be able to see without squinting or getting headaches!!??!!

train me

I am in belmont, taking a week long training course. The website said the location was SF but they lied. I am in belmont. Not fun on that 101 at 8 in the morning. so my month of hell - June - has dragged on to July but the end is near! Next week I should turn in most of everything I am doing and then move on to the next part of the project which will once again kick my ass.

how nice was it this weekend???!! so pretty and then last night was COLDDDDD. damn the extreme weather out here. Not like I am leaving anytime soon but damn I wish I had money to buy a house and get out of the cold! I thought about living in NY for a second tis weekend and MAC totally shot me down. Turns out he is more of a weather baby than I am!

should out to seeing so many of the ladies this weekend. It was a nice treat gicen I have been locked up at home for too long.